I have many I know...but this one never dawned on me til after I came home from the hospital with Logan. Well I think I have had a glimpse of it but again it was my weakness so it left me.
I am not a compassionate, serving person.
It's NOT that I don't feel sympathy for others.
It's NOT that I don't care.
It's NOT that I don't think about people when they are suffering.
I don't know what my problem is. I really forget about things after I hear about them. I do care and I cry when I feel bad for people and I say a prayer for them and even put their names on the temple role...but to actually do something FOR them to let them know I care .... I'm oblivious.
What a lame excuse! I know...I must seem mean and inconsiderate to my friends and family.
I'm sorry!
I'm not one to send Thank You cards or gifts of appreciation either. It makes me uncomfortable when others do that for me so I try to avoid it I guess.
My best friend from IRS just lost her boyfriend and he was only 32. I didn't like him because he mistreated her and took her for granted. I have been there for her a lot when he dumped on her. But I'm sad for her that he is gone.
So I am planning on attending the funeral and it hit me
...she lost her dad a few years ago and I didn't attend the funeral. I planned on it, but don't remember what happened. I never sent a card or flowers.
I'm scared I'm going to fall through for her.
I thought about all the people who called and came to see us when Logan was in the hospital. I didn't do that for them.
Jon Auger was deathly sick and hospitalized for a long time....I think I only visited him once there and twice at home. I could have tended their kids for them, made them dinner, took them somewhere fun.
I was Denette's visiting teacher when Kaden was so sick...Ive been Rachel's visiting teacher since she was pregnant with Dallin...I don't think I've ever done a darn thing. Besides visit and talk to Rachel, but that's easy for me, talking.
What is wrong with me?
We always hear about service at church, I need to try to focus and get out of my rut and quit concentrating on me and my kids problems only and think of others. But don't get me wrong. I do think of others...it just goes away and I forget to ACT. Is it Satan distracting me? Not wanting me to reach out? Is it just that I'm a dumb blond or heartless?
This has been a devastating realization. I'm sorry to all those I have offended by this. I do love you!
Thursday, March 25, 2010
My Weakness
haphazardly created by Angela on Thursday, March 25, 2010
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4 comments:
You have been great to me. Honestly, that is one of my weaknesses too. I think I better learn how to be compasionate so that I don't keep getting trials to teach me how to relate.
Ang, you'r a wonderful visiting teacher. By the way, did you realize that March is almost over?
lol!
You have different strengths though - we aren't all the same in that way. I think you are fine - you may just have to try harder if you feel inadequate in that area. I never thought that of you so maybe it's not as obvious as you seem to think.
I admire you for being so honest. We all feel this way sometimes. We are so lucky to be surrounded by such amazing givers. I'm reminded of President Monson's 3 a day challenge for us as women: Pray, Scriptures and Service! Make it part of your morning prayer, ask who you can help and He will let you know. Or just sing the good old song and truly ask yourself: "Have I done any good in the world today? Have I helped anyone in need. Have I cheered up the sad, made someone feel glad?...you the the rest" Angela, You always make me happy! (
THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU EVERYONE IS IN A RAT RACE TODAY ESPECIALY THE YOUNG ONES IT WAS HARD FOR US TO ATTEND EVENTS THAT WE HAD ALL INTENCTIONS OF ATTENDING BUT YOUR FAMILY COMES BEFORE OTHERS IN THIS WORLD WE COULD NOT FIND TIME YES YOU WILL FILL BAD BUT THERE IS ONLY SO MUCH A PERSON CAN DO REMEMBER YOUR FAMILY COMES FIRST THAT WAS WHY I GAVE EVERY PENNY I MADE TO MY WIFE AND CHILDREN THAT WAS THE ONLY WORRY I HAD WAS FAMILY FIRST SO DON'T BE SO HARD ON YOURSELF
UNCLE RAY
Some of my family don't comment on my blog...they recieve my updates through emails so they reply there...but My Uncle Raymond in Tennessee made me feel better (as did all 3 of you that commented) So it's not as bad as I thought but I will try harder. Family does come first but there are times that it is not the family keeping you from serving others. And Rachel, you watch out, I might request to have you moved, then you might get stuck with...well i better not name names. ha ha
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